Where You Are
Welcome to the mess. Welcome to the swamp.
Whatever name you choose to give them, they’re all unwanted & most definitely problematic.
What You’ve Lived
You’ve lived a life full of Unwanted Sexual Behaviors.
For your relationships, they’ve been devasting.
You’ve lived a life full of Unwanted Sexual Behaviors, Problematic Sexual Behaviors, Sex and/or pornography addiction. Whatever name you choose to give them, they’re all unwanted & most definitely problematic. For your relationships, they’ve been devasting.
Betrayal. Gaslighting. Minimizing. Denial. D.A.R.V.O. Lying, in all its subtle forms.
Some Traction
Maybe you’ve found help.
You’re making progress. That’s amazing. Good for you!
You’re seeing a CSAT and making progress. You’re in a 7 Pillars of Freedom group, a Faithful & True group, an Unwanted group or any number of other fantastic programs out there. You’re beginning to get some traction in your Recovery. You’ve accomplished a level of sobriety that maybe you’ve never experienced before. Ever. That’s amazing. Good for you!
Only Part of the Picture
That’s only part of the big picture.
It’s only a fraction of the whole story.
While sobriety is absolutely required in order for your marriage to have any chance of healing, it’s only a fraction of the whole story. A group of mine batted this around for about 30 minutes one night after I asked them what they thought. They settled on 5% - 95%: Sobriety is 5% of the solution and creating an entirely new lifestyle (the “New Man”) is 95%. They concluded, very honestly:
“Compared to the behavioral & lifestyle changes needed, getting sober was the easy part.”
The Hard Truth
You’re still hiding things.
It needs to stop. But how? What can you do?
You’re still holding things back. Or worse, you’re trickle disclosing; you’re slowly dribbling information to your Partner and you’re destroying her. You … are … destroying … her! It needs to stop. But how? What can you do?
The Path Forward
First, you get sober. Then, you prepare for a Full Therapeutic Disclosure.