I haven’t posted a new blog for quite some time now. While there are a number of perfectly good reasons for this absence, there may also be some not-so-good reasons. More to contemplate, I guess.

As I compose this newest post, I am aware that I’m getting back into the pool at the shallow end – nothing really deep; definitely nothing earth-shattering.

Nevertheless, here it is:


Lately, as I mentor men in and through their recovery, I’ve begun to give a lot more credence to rest. Sleep, specifically. I think I knew this, but it got my attention when a number of men were having increased struggles with their sexual integrity because they were tired. Exhausted. So, I began to ponder this “new” issue and candles came to mind. I warned you: the shallow end of the pool.

Candles are made to be lit from only one end at a time. They sit or stand, at my house anyway, on beautiful crystalline candle sticks, a tribute to Lynn’s incredible style and décor.  It is possible though, to remove them from their rightful place, hold them at an unnatural angle (horizontally) and light both ends. Yes. It can be done. From which comes the old adage “burning the candle at both ends” when we’re overstretched.

Sleep, I’m discovering, is a big deal on this journey of the 3-R’s: Recovery, Restoration & Redemption. It seems so obvious now, but I certainly haven’t given it the credit it’s due with clients. For example, if you determine to pour yourself into your recovery work, as you should, something on the other end must give. Getting up earlier requires an earlier bedtime otherwise the candle starts to tilt and you reach for the lighter to fire up the other end; the wrong end. It’s an incredibly tough balance, especially, I think, if there are young children in the home.

As you enter into recovery, you are being asked by others – me, your wife, God and a host of other ministries you can be associated with (see a good list below) – to add a great deal of time, effort, energy and yes, stress to your lives. Some of it’s short-lived (10-12 months or so) and some of it, life-long. But all of it for your Spiritual, physical, emotional & marital good. It requires that you analyze what you’ve “always done” and change it. Small or large, you must do something differently to get a different result.

How, then, you ask, does the candle fit in again? Sleep. It helps regulate the desire to go down the well-worn, comfortable path that leads where you’ve always been but don’t want to go. Again. Sleep won’t prevent that. It will always be your choice. But if you’re overly tired, even if you’re worn out doing good and wonderful things, like recovery, your decision-making processes can, most likely will, revert back to your old Limbic responses, not your new ones, and down you go.

So, before you take your candle out of its candelabra and turn it over to light the other end, I’d like to suggest instead you reach out for help. Here. Accountability partners. Your wife, if she’s in a place to be willing. I guarantee you won’t miss out on anything good by getting an acceptable amount of sleep. It’s perfectly natural, normal & healthy to do so.

You may even find yourself strengthened and refreshed to dive more deeply into your recovery, Spiritual Disciplines and relationships.

Now who wouldn’t want that?

Some ministries who can help:

Created To Be Free Mentoring, Pure Desire Int’l., BraveHearts, Authentic Intimacy, Hope Redefined

Freedom is a gift from God. It is also His Promise; and He ALWAYS keeps His Promises.

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