SPOILER ALERT: Major oversimplification ahead in order to make a point!
Most of us have heard about the Mars & Venus issue. Mars is rough and tough and his only job is “laying that Mastodon at the feet of his woman.” He gets to growl and roar and strut and expects Venus to throw him a party because he provided; because he did the bare minimum. And if Venus doesn’t send up fireworks? Mars believes her to be ungrateful.
Venus, the Beloved Daughter of God, is the other side of the coin. Mars believes Venus’ job is to be a trophy wife, always beautiful always presentable even though he also expects her to have his babies, take care of those babies, wash the entire family’s clothes, cook his Mastodon, clean his cave and rub his smelly feet while sitting very satisfied with himself as “Lord of the Cave.” But wait! There’s more. Mars also expects Venus to be sexually willing whenever he wants it. All for a mastodon, the minimum requirement. That’s quite the fantasy.
Now. Should this fantasy not become reality, Mars creates and believes the lie Venus isn’t loving or caring; is frigid or just doesn’t like sex. Mars feasts on the lie that she’s not holding up her end of the bargain to justify his adulteries – whether pornography or another woman.
It sounds harsh when it’s in black & white. The truth, when Mars is living in fantasy, often does.
Ephesians 5 makes it perfectly clear that our beloved Venus comes right after God, Jesus & Holy Spirit and most definitely before Mars (see my Ephesians 5 post). Venus’ needs, her security – emotional, Spiritual, physical & financial – everything, comes before Mars’ (mine).
It’s not about sex. We won’t say it out loud because it sounds crazy when it’s exposed in the light, but hidden deeply in the recesses of our heart, in a long-forgotten closet, we hold the belief that we will die if we don’t get our sexual release; we deserve it. The truth is we have been robbed of true intimacy and the ability to relate to our wives.
I know how that sounds. Remember, I’ve been there. I remember vividly the day God showed me that lie and my heart accepted His truth. The freedom I felt. “I PROMISE,” He said. You will not die without your release. I created it and intended it for so much more. I created the sexual union between you and Lynn to be the closest thing you can experience on earth that is like the Relationship I want with you: close, emotional, intimate, knowing, trusting, giving, gracious, vulnerable, transparent, wholesome, incredible, amazing, loving (and so much more).” He wanted this for us from before there was time.
Like Adam, or Mars above, I chose myself. I spent 33 years married to the woman of my dreams with the possibility of a God-created, God-ordained, deep, intimate relationship beyond my wildest dreams, with my best friend … and I squandered it in addiction and adultery. I cast it aside.
Regret? Absolutely. Thankfully, I don’t live there anymore. God is true to His Promises. Every one of them. He is miraculously Redeeming the years the locusts ate, the years I squandered. He can and will do it for you, if you let Him.
Praise the Name of God our Father, ADONAI, our LORD.
Freedom is a gift from God. It is also His Promise; and He ALWAYS keeps His Promises.
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