I have had trouble this week finding a topic on which to write. Many good things happened this week, good interactions with Lynn, my groups and my family. But nothing was shouting at me to be written about. In part it’s more ‘things’ going on in my life; more ‘things’ needing attention; more ‘things’ – good things – drawing me away from my Father. I’ve made time in the Word and I’ve discussed devotionals with Lynn and friends and I’ve even sat in my prayer place regularly. But I realized I was doing my devotional(s) and tossing up ‘microwave’ prayers for those I’d promised to pray for instead of sitting at the feet of my Father, speaking with Him, listening to Him, in a relationship. When I finally did, He suggested this topic.
I am no scholar on the theological depth and implications of Holiness; the Holy Spirit has shown me what I’ve needed, when I’ve needed it, for it to make a remarkable difference in my life.
I grew up with abandonment issues which led to and fueled, trust issues. My family of origin was good. Most of my friends thought I had a pretty idyllic life; I could come and go pretty much at will and did so. What they didn’t see (we were kids, right?) was how much time I spent alone and how few boundaries I had (and needed) and how lonely I could feel in the midst of a crowd. My father abandoned me when I was 3 years old and I couldn’t comprehend it; I was three, after all, and he died in a car accident. How do you explain that to a three year old? All I knew and felt was he was there one day, ruffling my hair and smelling of cherry pipe tobacco and then he was gone. I felt that as he was not trustworthy and somewhere along the way, transferred that to God. God as Father was not trustworthy, either.
Fast forward to 2015-16. My lifetime of addiction comes bursting into the open, I’m completely lost and desperately trying to save my marriage, and my family and it is without doubt beyond my ability to do so. It rests entirely in the hands of the God I didn’t think I could trust. Since I had no other choice, I reached up. As I let go of the hurts of my past, trust grew little by little.
It wasn’t until the Holy Spirit reminded me of God’s Holiness that trust in my Father leapt courageously forward. It was personal, not theological. God is Holy. Completely, 100% without fail, Holy. He’s not 90%. He’s not 95%. He’s not 99.99% Holy. He is 100% Holy. That means He is incapable, yes, INCAPABLE of breaking His promises. Incapable of lying. Incapable of leading me astray. Incapable of leaving me or forsaking me. He is always with me. He always cares for me. He always Loves me. He delights in me. He sings over me with rejoicing. He died for me. He is incapable of doing otherwise. It would be contrary to His very nature and is therefore impossible for Him to not.
Why did I make such a big deal about 100% Holy? Well, okay, “theologically” it could be argued that Holy is Holy. You either are or you aren’t and He is so end of discussion. I am not arguing that in the least. This is personal not theological. 90% is pretty darn good. If I could accomplish everything in my life at a 90% success rate that would be pretty good. Shoot, professional baseball players get paid millions if they can consistently hit 33.3%. So 90% is good. Right? Not for Holiness. 90%, 95%, 99.99% leaves room for doubt. It leaves room for me to believe that in the billions of human beings who have ever existed on Earth, I could be the .01% that doesn’t make it, for whom the Love and Grace and Majesty of God doesn’t apply. If I, personally, didn’t come to a place where I knew deep in my heart that Holy is Holy and He is 100% Holy, it left room for me to doubt His trustworthiness.
I no longer doubt. Usually. I am not perfect. My Father, however, is perfect and He is Holy. When He tells me He loves me, He does. When He tells me He has a home prepared for me with Him in Heaven, He does. When He tells me I am more than a conqueror, I am. When He tells me He has set me free, He has. When He tells me He delights in me, He does. When He tells me I am beautiful, I am. When He tells me He knew me from before time, before I was in my mother’s womb, He did. When He tells me He wants His best for me, He does.
Pick a promise in the Bible. Pick the one you have the absolute hardest time believing about yourself. Read it over and over again and see with honest eyes and heart the One who made the promise – the Holy God of all. Trustworthy. Loving. Majestic. Glorious. Gracious. Merciful. Holy.
Because He is Holy, I (and you) can trust Him with everything.