Christmas

Lyrics – “How Many Kings? by Downhere

Follow the Star to a place unexpected,
would you believe after all we’ve projected,
a child in a manger?
Lowly and small, the weakest of all, unlikeliest hero,
wrapped in His mother’s shawl, just a child.
Is this who we’ve waited for?

‘Cause how many kings stepped down from their thrones?
How many lords have abandoned their homes?
How many greats have become the least for me?
And how may Gods have poured out their hearts
to romance a world that is all torn apart?
How many Fathers gave up their sons for me?

Bringing our gifts for the newborn Savior, all that we have,
whether costly or meek, because we believe.
Gold for His honor and frankincense for His pleasure,
and myrrh for the cross He’ll suffer.
Do you believe? Is this who we’ve waited for?

In my life I have experienced a number of “passings,” all of which would be considered unusual; none of natural causes. My father died when I was three in a car accident. My sister Chris also died very young, on Christmas day, in a car accident. I was a sophomore in college. My step-father passed away from a very aggressive cancer a few years ago. And my sister Kathi bravely fought Ovarian cancer but ultimately lost that battle. These are events that in their own way shaped good pieces of my life. The common thread in all of them – God was always there, even if it took months, years or even decades for me to see it. He was indeed with me.

All of these deaths, these losses, were painful and broke my heart. But as painful as they all were, God has spared me the loss of a child. If you look closely at the above list, you’ll realize my mother, bless her enormous, Godly heart, cannot say the same. My mother has buried two husbands and two of her four children. Thankfully, I have been spared that particular anguish. On November 1st, 2018, our darling, beloved Coraline Freya, entered our world without a heartbeat, without the breath of God. Jessica and Jeffrey now feel the full weight, pain and anguish, of losing a daughter, Lynn and I, a granddaughter, and the rest of our family, a sister, a niece, or a cousin. No, it isn’t the same. If it hurts this much for Lynn & me and Jessica’s siblings I can scarce imagine Jessica’s and Jeffrey’s pain.

What does this have to do with the song above, the new (at least to me) Christmas song I discovered this year? I highlighted the words that ripped my heart out the first time I heard it and every time I played it after that. It will remain on my favorite playlist all year long as it is timeless. With our dear Coraline’s passing I came closer to feeling personally, intimately, the pain our Heavenly Father felt when He sent His one and only Son to earth with a singular mission: die; to afford me (please personalize it) Salvation and the Gift of a future with our Perfect Father.

How many fathers have given their only son to die for me? A Child. An intimate part of Himself. A pain infinitely greater even than losing a perfect, beautiful Granddaughter.

This Christmas I felt the Gift of the Son of God on a deeper heart level than I have ever felt before. God’s Only Son. Sent here for me. The loss of a child. All for one who does not deserve, nor can repay, the Gift. And yet … He did it anyway.

Do you doubt God’s unfailing love for you? Have life circumstances caused you to question His pure, perfect and unfailing love … for you, personally? He gave, freely and willingly, His Son, His ONLY Son for me. For you. Doubt no longer. He loves you. Regardless of. In spite of. His love covers it all. He proved it on Christmas Day.

The Gift tag reads, “To Greg. Merry Christmas. From: All of us – Dad, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. With all our love.”

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My apologies to any of my family who may read this Christmas tribute and find it too hurtful. As much as my desire is to make it a blessing the grief may still be too near. If I have compounded the hurt for any of you with this blog, I am so sorry.