My god was too small

I have been formulating this blog post for quite a while now. I’ve been mulling it around in my head longer than I knew I was going to have a blog to put it in. It’s a concept that I’ve found critical in my Journey to Freedom. MY god was too small.

Is your God the right size? Is He the right kind of God? Is your God is too small? Have you compressed Him into a box you believe is a size you can manage and control? Have you given God personal attributes that are determined by your view of Him (an overbearing, cosmic killjoy?), what you want from Him or what you want Him to do for you (a genie in a bottle?) and not remotely close to who He says He is?

I confess that I have. I think most Christians at some point or another develop an unrealistic picture of our Heavenly father. Even the most well-meaning often don’t have a true view of the Most Holy Creator God. It’s understandable really because he is so big, Majestic, Powerful, Wonderful, Infinite that even at the best of times we can’t begin to fathom His entirety. I don’t think for the every day Christian that’s an unreasonable assertion. When the finite attempts to fathom the full scope of the infinite are we not bound to fall short – at least in some areas? I believe it’s a holy struggle that brings us nearer to Our Father because He hasn’t left us alone to sort Him out all by ourselves.

While it may be understandable for most Christians it seems to be a requirement for the addict. At least it was true of me. Think about it for a minute. Let it soak in. If any of us had a wholly complete understanding of the breadth, depth, height and complexity of the God we worship how could we continue in our addiction? Yes, I am aware of the new discoveries in neuroscience about addiction but that’s even more to my point. I kept my god in a box not to control Him but rather to protect my delusions from Him. I knew that He hated me. I knew that I was too far gone no matter what He told me in His Word. Lies that allowed me to create a god of manageable size. It was a cold, dark world. If we were truly and accurately aware of the enormity, the Holiness, the Righteousness, the sheer Power of the God of Heaven, would we not fall on our faces crushed in heart by the constant sin and depravity that is our addiction? It was so for me.

I am not in any way saying I am “that guy” who figured God out and is able to understand and explain who He is. That is the farthest thing from the truth. What I know is how much I don’t know and that has made the difference. In the reference section there’s a book called “The Power of God’s Names” written by Dr. Tony Evans. The first 3 chapters, Elohim, Jehovah and Adonai have had an enormous impact on my Journey to Freedom. I came to know how little I actually knew about the God who loves me. I came to know the enormity of Omniscience, Omnipotence and Omnipresence. I came to know in Jehovah the Perfect Father I never had. I came to know the Lordship of Jesus Christ and the Truth about what it means to call him Lord. I came to know how little I truly know about the God who created me and loves me enough to die for me. When I finally made a conscious effort to wrap my head around the reality of His enormity I discovered it is an impossible task – and yet, and YET in His unimaginable Grace – He took me in and calls me His son, His beloved son. How could I go on hurting him the way I had been?

God Himself explains Himself in His Word and in the Names He gives Himself. He hasn’t hidden it but sometimes it requires more than a passing familiarity with Greek & Hebrew. So He sent a man like Dr. Evans whose writing style and knowledge helped me discover what God had been telling me my entire life: “I am so much more than the little god you have in that box; that little idol of self. Crush the box. Toss it aside. Let me be who I truly am. I created you to be Free. Your life in Me will never be the same. I promise.”

He is true to His Word. It hasn’t been the same. And I am eternally grateful.