As I sit and try to decide exactly where to start with my blogs I want to spend several of the first ones to lay out some basics of where I’m coming from and the foundation of a lot of my positions.
I believe society has crept into the church, into our Spirituality and allowed us in so many ways to minimize important issues regarding sex addiction and look the other way with the all-time favorite excuses, “It’s not so bad” or “At least I haven’t done THAT!” and my all-time favorite, “You’re just over-reacting.”
Case in point for this post: pornography. Now that I’m walking in honesty and truth with God and Lynn and I’m spending a lot of time studying my own past, my own foibles, my own lies and reading, listening and internalizing the words of men and women who I consider experts in this field, what I don’t hear, laid out plainly and without apology but what I believe with all my heart:
pornography is adultery.
The main schools of thought may actually agree with me on this point. My concern is that if I haven’t seen it, point blank, in my studies and reading then it’s not being spoken directly and clearly enough. It’s not being called what it really is. Society has caused us to sugar-coat the truth, call it something soft and squishy instead of the straight-up truth. Realizing this was an eye-opening moment for me; a defining moment in my recovery. And it isn’t only my opinion. Let Jesus line it out for you.
In Matthew 5:27 in His “Sermon on the Mount,” Jesus says, “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
Sex addiction is about the HEART – selfishness, self-centeredness, ego, fear, to name a few things. When we engage in pornography it hardens our hearts. It objectifies the women in the images or videos. The act of watching another woman for our sexual release demeans our wives. As surely as if we were performing those acts physically with another woman, we have committed adultery. If your wife knows about your addiction ask her what she thinks. See what she says. See how she feels. LISTEN to the feelings. Engage your hardened heart. If she knows of your addiction I think you probably already know the answer.
Part of living free from our addiction is calling things what they are and letting God’s Word speak into our hearts. Jesus is pretty clear here even to the point of plucking out your eye (see the verses following the ones referenced above). He came not so we can manage our lives, our addictions but rather He came to set us Free from them.