Brokenness & Natural Consequences

There is an old saying that it isn’t until you’ve been knocked flat on your back with nowhere else to look, that you are finally able to look up and see God.  It is my sincere belief based on my personal journey, that without real, enforced consequences your healing journey will be slower; possibly hindered irreparably.  I really want to say your journey will be “impossible” but nothing is impossible with God and if He is forefront in your road to recovery then impossible isn’t an option.  Difficult.  Daunting.  Incredibly painful.  But not impossible.  None-the-less, I believe it to have been crucial to my healing and I expect yours as well.

Without a deeply moving and highly motivating reason to change, deep in your heart, change will not happen.  Yes, I believe that if God saw fit to touch our brains with His healing finger we would instantaneously be healed with not a trace of addiction left.  So we’re clear here, I do believe He still miraculously heals.  Lynn and I believe that He did so with me … not instantaneously and not without a boatload of hard work on both our parts.  But I’m off topic.

Addiction of any kind is selfishly motivated.  Until you are broken, completely and utterly and have no other option than to throw “you” on the incredible Grace and Mercy of the Most High God, your well developed protective self will insulate you from the healing, changing Grace you so desperately need to be free.  Don’t misread me.  HE LOVES YOU.  His Grace is free and ever present.  But as long as “self” is our worship of choice, the idol we choose to protect, His Grace is available but not effective.

In our marriage there are three times where I was caught in inappropriate behavior and managed to lie and weasel my way out of it, promising Lynn, God and myself I’d fix it.  So when a strange man walked up our driveway and told Lynn I’d been having an affair [lit. committing adultery] with his wife, we were done.  For the first time in our marriage the “D” word, divorce, was spoken and meant.  We were done.  Lynn had had her fill of me and had Scriptural grounds on which to divorce me.

“Control” is a figment of an addict’s imagination but we lie to ourselves and believe the lies that we do.  This was out of my control.  I was lost.  My lies, my delusions, my denials no longer had any power.  I was completely and utterly alone.  That reality was horrifying.  And necessary.

The consequences were real.  The desperation palpable.  The brokenness complete.  And God was waiting there for me.  I was finally out of my own way.  I surrendered.  Now that I’ve been in recovery for a time, I see it as it is.  Surrender.  Total and complete surrender.  Taking Jesus on as Lord.  Adonai.  Tony Evans’ book, “The Power of God’s Names” makes the true meaning of Lord, Adonai, so clear.  When you embrace the complete Lordship of Jesus Christ and what that means, both for you the servant and for Him the Lord, and you surrender your will, surrender your addiction, surrender your life to Him and submit to His Will, that’s where true freedom lives.  In surrender to a loving, caring Master, we find life and life abundantly.  Scripture tells us it’s only when we lose our life we gain it.

In His Grace and Mercy, He took me in His arms and has gently led me to freedom; the freedom He created for me and intended for me from before there was time.  There is nothing He wants more than to lead you there, too.  Surrender.  Submit.  He will set you free.  He promised.